Stay High
by mioneshipper
Summary: Remus and Hermione were dating for a year and things blew up badly, but Remus thought it for the best. They both left the magic world in despair and soaked up their emotions with drugs and alcohol to stop the thoughts of each other. Unknowing, both live in Muggle London. Until one night, both completely off their faces, they see each other. What will happen?
1. Chapter One - Oblivion

"Remus, please!"

"No, it has to be this way."

"You can't –"

"It's over, Hermione. I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter. I just want you."

"This is the last time we will see each other."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**6 months later**

Sun sprays out on to the London footpath and Remus saunters down to the nearest pub, flowers dangling outside the blue front door. Keeping his sunglasses over his eyes, he creeps to the back and slides through a door. Even through the dark hall which follows, he strolls on blind. At the end, there is a crackling door and an even more damaged man at a desk.

"Remus."

Remus nods.

"Jack."

Jack scrapes open a drawer of the desk, ruffles out something in to his hand and slaps it in to Remus'. Remus looks and smiles.

"For nothing, Remus. Consider it a favour."

"Thanks, I owe you."

Remus starts the hall again, with a feeling of swimming through the dark.

Tonight will be a good night he thinks, pushing the neat plastic packet full of pills in to his pocket.

…..

"What you wearin' tonight Herm?"

"Not sure, you?"

"Thinkin' this."

Standing in her underwear, Lexi holds up a short purple dress that just about covers her arse.

"Nice."

Hermione winks and sips her vodka and coke, swinging her leg, in a red low cut top and black skirt.

Lexi has slipped on her dress, leans forward revealing her bottom and straightens up a line with her student card.

Hermione smirks behind her back in delight and sips again.

…

"MAKE SOME NOOOISSE LONDOOOON!"

Hermione's lungs stretch and scrape as she screams with vigour. Lights flash, blur and swirl in her eyes and one arm rests lightly on the shoulder of a young man. She jumps with the beat, faster and faster, jumps into the arms of the bloke and squeals before kissing him. He pulls her hair, she moans and grabs his head.

_Won't be alone tonight. _

Lexi is sweating in the corner, bopping with precision to the fast beat, a pixie girl stroking her thighs. Hermione nibbles the boy's bottom lip, drops from his arms and drags him out by the t-shirt to the taxi ranks. He slides in and pulls her in by the hips. The window buzzes open and Hermione giggles as they take off and her hair flies.

As the taxi pulls off, Remus stumbles in to the neon light of the club 'Waxers', the music booming behind him, then miles away, as the door closes. In hysterics of laughter he folds on to the ground. The cold feels soft under his body. He bites his lip and fumbles with a cigarette. A homeless man sits across the road, watching under a dirt stained cap.

"Fuck 'em all!"

The dirty man nods.

…..

"Hermyyy – Hermiioneeee."

"Uhh."

Lexi snickers.

"I've kicked out your friend from last night. It's four."

Hermione rolls on to her side.

"Thhhnks."

"I'll start rolling."

…

"You enjoy Waxers last night then?"

Mark smirks like a shark at Remus.

"Fuck off."

"What time exactly was it you lasted till?

"I don't know."

Remus shrugs.

"Think it was 'bout two."

"We should make a bet from now on, see who's gone first and before what time."

"And if we win the bet?"

"Free pill."

Remus chortles.

…..

"Four twenty miss."

Lexi climbs under the duvet next to Hermione and sparks the joint. Hermione stretches out and sighs in to her sheets.

"What a night, Lex?"

She takes the joint off her and pulls it in to her lungs.

"Brilliant. Fantastical. Again tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't say no." Puffs Hermione, passing.

….

"I bet you tomorrow night you will be gone by two."

"And I bet I'll last the night this time."

"I bet you can't, at my pace."

"Bet on."

"Deal."

Remus grins, lifts his coffee off the barrel table and clinks it with Marks.

…

"How 'bout we try Waxers this time? Yano the club across the street?"

"Sounds good, Lex. Anywhere is good with me."

Hermione's eyes sink and her brain swims.

"Lex?"

"Yup?"

"Were fucking A."


	2. Chapter 2 - Fading

The television fizzes and pops and Remus stares. A blank expression has crawled across his worn face, paint – stripper type vodka in hand. He listens to the TV and as he watches the grey noise, he tries to remember what he was watching. Not able to remember and feeling restless, he carries his vodka in to his kitchen and stares out the window. A fine London sky stretches out in pinks and purples. He thinks of where Hermione might be, curled up with a book in the Burrow perhaps.

A small pang from his chest and Remus tries to drown it with the burn of vodka.

….

Crawling from her deep sleep, Hermione shuffles in her bed. On the floor next to her bed, her mobile lights and buzzes. Picking it up there is two messages, one from an unknown number, and another from Lexi. She opens the first.

**Unknown:**

Hi babe, hd a gr8 nite. C ya again soon,

Al.

Lovely. Not really. She presumed that Al was the young man from last night. Hermione didn't really care. She sighed, rubbing her forehead and opened the next message.

**Lexi:**

Hey! Gone to a party down the street! Give me a text if ur coming, I'll stand outside! X

Hmm…tempting. Hermione chucked her phone on the bed and creeped out of the covers. Half naked she looked to find a clean t-shirt. Rustling around, she picked up one deep in a box she had yet to unpack. When did she get so unorganised? Sliding it over her, her stomach dropped as it fell loosely around her body. Daring to, she smelt the t-shirt and realised it was Remus'. Tucked away in a box, unknown to be in her possession. Shit. A sense of guilt washed over her, if he could see her now.

Well he can't, she thought and left it on for the sake of it.

…..

Shaky, Remus presses the papers against each other to stick, and taps the spliff against the table. Remus plucks a half smoked cigarette from his mouth and lights the joint. Holding one in each hand he looks at the two, the doorbell rings. He remembers who it would be. Remus shuffles off the couch, bringing half of it with him. He stumbles to the door. Looking at his hands and wondering, he puts both cigarette and joint in to his mouth. His hand clenches around the doorknob and he just manages to swing it open. It's Jessica.

"Jsss."

He smiles a tight smile, holding in his cargo.

…

Hermione spreads her lip-gloss and pouts. One quick look in the hall mirror and she locks the door behind her. In a smooth white top and jeans she steps around the corner to see Lexi. She is hand in hand with a guy wearing ripped black jeans and sunglasses, laughing.

"HERM!"

Lexi jumps up and down and Hermione smiles, feeling the warmth of vodka in her pulse.

"Leeex."

Lexi hugs her and pulls her in the door of the building, leaving the guy to follow them in. They slide in to a rickety lift and shuddering up, Lexi shakes a packet from her bra.

"There's a bit of a rave up there, Herm."

Hermione eyes the pills and laughs like a queen.

"You know me so well."

The lift clicks at the top floor and the three stroll out like musketeers to the party of booming music.

….

Remus mumbles to and strokes the hair in his face. He rolls on to his back and sighs as Jessica lights a cigarette. The room begins to spin out of control and Remus grips the sideboard. His eyes flutter and he can feel Jessica slide in to cuddle him. Behind his eyes, everything is black and swirling like a galaxy.

Hermione bops to a song she doesn't know but feels like she should. Reason being, her body is moving to the beat perfectly and she can't understand how she didn't write this song. Someone is dancing behind her and she's not quite sure who but doesn't care. Lights flicker in her face and she could not be happier.


	3. Chapter 3 - Collision

Coughing awake, Remus rolls onto his side and curls in to the foetal position. His head aches, his stomach is churning whatever mess is inside him and his entire body feels like shit. Laid next to him is the more than fresh looking sleeping Jess. He peeks at her through his heavy lids and slams them closed again, sickened by her soberness. Yet she still manages to take him on nights when he can barely speak or move. Restless by this thought he tries to settle again, pressing sleep upon himself.

Hermione stares out the kitchen window of her apartment. The streets are busy but they always are, thankfully. Were she to stare out in to an empty street, full of the implications of sleep, peace and order it would make her mad. She would not fit in that world. Not anymore. The thought seemed separate to her, like a thought so destructive should be rejected by her. It was the unfortunate truth however. Her pupils were thick in her aware eyes, not yet slept or recovered from the night of pills – the only way to describe the night. She smiled at what a night it was. A glass of water sat next to her at the windowsill but she didn't think she could drink it.

"Herm?"

Lexi appeared from the bedroom, her eyes the same, her hair stuck to her sweating forehead.

"Mm?"

"Still up for tonight?"

Hermione looked back out to the street. A good looking man in his mid twenties is walking casually past. Hermione wanted him.

"Of course." She smiled at Lexi. The only way to get out there was to get out there.

The doors of Waxers open. Remus and Mark saunter in. Remus almost has no colour left in his eyes, the black emanating from them and Mark is the same. Remus places a secure and friendly hand on his shoulder and points to the dance floor with the other. The two bounce like foals to the dance floor and as a song they both love blares, they grin.

Hermione takes a cigarette from a strange man in the smoking room.

"Thank you so much! I fucking love cigarettes."

He lights it for her and she smiles with delight. Lexi's eyes are wired; they are glued to everything and anything but stares committed at nothing. Hermione's are a disgrace. She is chewing gum at a million miles an hour and her leg is constantly tapping. She stands, the cigarette still lighting in her mouth and drags Lexi to the dance floor.

Remus is beginning to sweat but a new, equally amazing song has come on and he continues to dance. He has taken the hand of a woman dancing near him and has begun to twirl her around. Mark dances closer to her and she is soon wedged between the two, swirling and alternating between them. Both of them grin at her like sharks. Remus whispers in to her ear "You should come back with us."

She nods, her eyes closed and dancing. He holds her hips close.

The music pumps through Hermione and she jumps with it, although it's not quite a jumping song. She takes Lexi's hands and pulls her close, jumping together.

"I love everything!" she screams and Lexi throws her head back and laughs.

Remus catches Marks eye and eyes the girl between them. They both start to grin at each other, their eyes demented. Mark swivels the girl around and kisses her. Remus stares at her ass, dancing to the beat.

Hermione eyes a boy who she thinks is eyeing her. Before anything else happens she pulls him close and kisses him forcefully on the mouth, pushing her body close to him. She is ripped away by the hair.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

A tall girl with thick blonde hair is gawking at her.

Hermione shrugs, smiling and tries to move back to dance with Lexi but the girl doesn't allow her.

"I've seen you around you fucking whore. Don't you dare try and kiss my fella again alright love?"

"Alright, bitch."

The girl slaps Hermione across the face.

The woman, whom he still doesn't know the name of and doesn't think he ever will, is grinding in to Remus and he is enjoying it immensely. The music is with him on this and seems to flow. Mark is still there, kissing her neck and the dirtiness of it makes Remus smile. In the corner of his eye he sees movement, unusual movement. At the corner of the dancefloor something is happening. He tears his eyes and mind away from his own little world to look. A tall blonde girl slaps a brunette hard across the face. The brunette raises her arms in defence and then violently tugs the blonde's hair. Without a seconds notice the blonde grabs the other girl and pushes her up against the wall before slapping her again and harder. The brunette leans her head back and laughs, a cut across her face, and Remus sees the brunettes face. Immediately, Remus runs. That is all he can do. Before he knows it he is ripping the blonde away, trying with all his might not to hurt her.

"Leave it alright!" he shouts over the music and eyes the blonde. She can obviously see the drugs in his eyes as she steps away. Her boyfriend begins to move forward but Mark intervenes.

"Everything alright here?"

The blonde's boyfriend grabs her by the hand and pulls her away. Remus turns.

"Are you alright?"

Hermione nods, her eyes wider than ever, quite unattractively and he sees her pupils. She notices him noticing, cowers and tries to walk away but he follows her.

"Hermione!"

She runs towards the bathrooms but there is a thin long hallway before the door. He grabs her arm and she drops back against the wall. He stands in front of her, an arm resting next to her head. He pants and is lost for words.

"What the FUCK!"

She stares at the ground, her head shaking.

"Hermione look at me." She doesn't look. "Hermione!"

Her eyes click to his, it really is her, and all he sees is dark orbs.

"Fuck."

Holy fuck.

"Fuuuck." He groans and slams the wall.

"Hermione what have you taken?" he glares at her, sure his eyes must look scary.

"The same as you it seems!" She squints, judging him right back.

"Don't - "

"Don't what Remus!" she chokes after his name.

"We seem to both be on the same boat don't we Remus? Look at our fucking eyes!" She throws her arms up and smiles like the Cheshire cat.

He bites his lip too hard.

"Why are you here?

"Why are you here!"

"I deserve to be here." He shrugs defensively.

"And I don't?"

"You can't!"

"Why the fuck not?" she demands.

"Because you're too good, Hermione. Too good!"

"Obviously not good enough for you!" She half shouts.

He spits on the floor and clenches his jaw. His legs feel weak and so he bounces twice on them.

"Is this even fucking happening." He shouts to the ceiling.

He takes a step back and rubs the sweat from his face, looking her dead in the eyes. Two of them stand there looking at one another for several moments. The song on the dancefloor creeps in to their minds once again with the silence between them. It pulses through them and quickly, he moves in to her and they are kissing. She pulls on his shirt. She pulls his body close to her as possible. He grabs her around the waist and she jumps around his. He strokes her hair, her face, one hand holding her around him. He is kissing her so hard it feels like it must hurt but it feels so good. He just about manages to pull away from her lips.

"Hermione –" His wide eyes meet hers and she shakes her head.

"Please, don't say anything. Please."

And he doesn't.


	4. Chapter 4 - Time

The front door of Remus' apartment swung so hard he swore the hinges would be bent in the morning. Hermione was in his arms laughing – but it felt bitter sweet. As bittersweet as it could feel – he was still numb from all the drugs. He placed her down on his couch. His legs were going – also the drugs. He shook them out, sitting next to her. She looked up at him her eyes so big, so beautiful, he thought. He had missed them but they were different now, not just in the obvious way. She had lost what she once was, she wasn't that Hermione anymore. She was a broken soul, like him. It was obvious in the way she sat there in this fucked up situation giggling it away in fucked up contentment. He felt something tug inside him and he didn't know if it was a profound mourning for the old Hermione or an intense desire for the new one who knew exactly what he was going through. Maybe it was a mixture of both.

"Remus." She whispered.

He looked to her eagerly, like a dog to a master, his eyes full of desire and pain.

She looked both scared and overwhelmed. Her mouth moved to say something that couldn't come out and instead she lifted his hand and kissed it. Then his arm and then moved forward to his chest. His shirt was unbuttoned from the club. She then kissed his neck and sighed against him.

"I want you so much."

He lifted her chin and kissed her lips. It was like biting into Eden's forbidden fruit.

"You know no matter how much I try I won't be able to get it to work."

His eyes were sick with apology.

"I know." She stroked his chest.

"Maybe it's better this way." She mused, touching the stubble on his cheek bones.

"It could be."

"We don't know each other like we did anymore." He could tell that was hard for her to say, honestly it was hard for him to hear as well.

"I know." He whispered, feeling her locks through his fingers.

"You'll stay won't you?" His eyebrows furrowed uncontrollably and without realising it he pulled her closer.

"Of course." She kissed him again and that was enough, this was more than enough. She was back.

Three words crossed his mind. He wanted to say them so much, it felt right. But when he thought about it, he couldn't say it. Of course he couldn't. They didn't know each other anymore, as much as their bodies felt like they had known each other for centuries. Realistically, he was holding a completely different girl.

"I want to go to bed. But I don't think I could sleep." She mumbled, her eyes looking longingly to the bedroom.

"It's awful." He grumbled.

"Devastating."

They sat there in silence, their acquaintance with drugs very blatant.

After a minute of complete silence, only breathing, Hermione tapped his chest.

"Let's go lie down."

She stood up and held out her hand for him. He took it gently and followed her to the bedroom. She was wearing a small blue dress that barely covered anything and he shivered. She removed her hand from his and took off her bra underneath her dress, pulled off her heels and then crawled underneath the covers. He kicked off his shoes and pants and crawled in next to her. She snuggled up to him and he stroked a trail from the back of her neck to her thigh.

"Remus can I have a jumper? I need to warm this out of my system."

"Sure."

He felt restless anyway. He climbed out of bed and grabbed two woolly jumpers from a bottom drawer in his cupboard. He should do the same. He also grabbed two pairs of sweatpants and passed one of each to her.

"Thanks" she chuckled.

Sufficiently over warm and cosy, they lay next to each other in bed, her head rested on his chest and his arms around her.

"I missed this." She whispered tenderly.

"I don't believe we've done this before."

He could feel her smile against him.

After five minutes, in which the two of them wriggled around restlessly in bed, Hermione climbed out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"We need music." She looked down at him, restlessness in her eyes.

"Stereo in the kitchen. I'll get it."

He swung his legs out of bed and crept in to the dark kitchen. She could hear him unplugging and dragging leads. He brought the quite large stereo in to his room, set it up on the drawer top and pressed play. A mysterious band she didn't know played. She liked them. They were fast and quirky.

"This is better." She closed her eyes and nodded content.

He moved cautiously close to her and for the first time tonight he felt like he was holding a stranger.

"Hermione."

"Yes?"

"What are we going to do?"

"Do what we can with this until tomorrow." She purred, stroking his arms and then shoulders.

"Remus."

"Yes?"

"What do you want?" she looked at the dusty carpet.

He looked down at her and felt completely emptied. He wanted to say 'you' but he felt that he couldn't. He just couldn't. It didn't feel like a thing that was okay. He knew that's what she wanted him to say. That was what he wanted to say for god's sake! But there was a part of both of them that knew something was different and whether it was fixable or not was in question.

"I want us."

She looked up at him. She felt disconnected from him. She took a step back and took an enormous breath before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry. This is just hitting me." She whispered and began to shake.

"I'm coming down as well." She looked at her shaking hands and then to him. "It's been a long two days."

Something cracked inside him. He twitched visibly.

"Hermione." He sat next to her and pulled her in tightly. He wanted to push all this badness, all the corrupt and pain away – to kiss it away.

As he held her, Hermione looked down to his arm, his sleeves pushed back on his skinnier arms. She saw a needle scar. Her hand reached up and stroked it and his eyes followed where she stroked.

"Don't think about it."

"I'll try not to but you know I won't be able."

He smiled.

"I missed you, Hermione."

"I missed you too, Remus."

If she could have cried she would have, but it wasn't impossible at this time.

Although it felt strange and unusual being with him, she felt another part of her was returned. An old part, like a toy you find years after you have last seen it, and all the fondness and memories arise but you can't quite use or play with it with the same joy you used to.

She felt she needed to go home. But letting go of him would be too much. She couldn't let him out of her sight, not while she had him here, physically holding her like she'd imagined all these months.

They sat and listened to the music for a minute before Remus stood and held out his hand for her to take. She took it easily and they began to dance to a new song, a slightly slower one. He twirled her, rocked her from side to side, steps back and forward, they were swirling all around the room and it made things okay. She felt like for now nothing could touch them.

They continued dancing in many manner and form until late. They had to keep going to get rid of the dirt in their systems. Remus went to the kitchen to get them water and glanced to the clock, it was half seven. His eyebrows raised, fatigue had only slightly kicked in.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"What day is it?"

"Either Saturday or Sunday, I really don't know."

He rubbed his temples, she was meant to be the capable one. He reprimanded himself for that thought. She had every right to do with herself what she wanted, just because he hypocritically disagreed with it was no excuse. But now he had a problem. If it was Saturday he had to meet with Jack to pay off some debt. If it was Sunday he was already a day late. He sipped the water from the glass in his hand then glanced through his bedroom door. Hermione was swaying to herself, her curls bouncing and sprawling around her body. Jack could wait. Something had come up; he was still getting his money.

Slipping back in to the room Remus stroked Hermione's shoulder blade and passed her a glass of water. She gulped at it and then sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'd love a shower."

"Me too." Remus nodded, thinking of how refreshing it would be.

The temptation was there to shower together.

"Do you mind if I take one?" Hermione nodded towards his en suite.

"I won't be long and then maybe I could sleep."

"Of course." Remus passed her his only other clean towel from his drawer and gave her a clean t-shirt.

"Thank you." Hermione took the towel from him and kissed his cheek, padding in to the bathroom.

Remus sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. The shower turned on and as he listened to the running water, he let the night sink in. From the start of the night which he could barely remember, to seeing her face again for the first time, to sitting here while she showered in his apartment. He didn't know what he felt. Tired, he thought. He lay down his skinny body on his bed and thinking of her dancing to herself in his bedroom, he dozed off in to a dreamless sleep.


End file.
